Wednesday, June 8, 2011


well, where to start? 
ermmm.. basically, i kinda got what i want .... 
i got a car, dslr , and im still isnt that happy as i still dont have what i really wanted
this is life, i guess... not everything we want , we can have it.
well, I got a GREEN viva..
which is my fav colour.
God's intervention.
wanna know why?
we saw many big cars but we do not want a big car.
called back melaka and asked but no small.
soon later, mum managed to call Topmark which is a car company and they told her they have a viva.
then later, dad drive us to checked  out the car. 
it was damn nice as it is GREEN... yay!
discuss about it and we send to a mechanic to check the condition. 
thank God , it was a good car and there goes, mum bought it.
so happy. it was likeee.... Heaven.
i managed to take my parents out for dinner.
and guess what, he was the first to see the car besides my parents. 
happy as always ... =)
i took him  out, almost everywhere we can go. <3
i let him drive and i knew somehow he is happy.
that is what i long to see.

well, we celebrated his birthday at picadilily.. 
everyone is happy and yeah, drank alot.
me happy too.... got to play pool with his friends  and of course him as well... 
well, am really happy that i got to spend most of the time with him around me.
grateful for that. well, sadest thing, he is going back to aussie.
i dont like it, but no choice to face it.

college starts and yeah., maths and M&M
Mr,Chuah has never changed and his english is still as bad as it is. 
but kinda happy that i got some company. hehe =)

college is always as usual. 
but spending time with him is never enough. why ah?
hmm... its just like that la.. 
happy enough that we're still friends. 
at least something. but time will soon change and everyone got to move towards their goals. 
(basically this is simplified, kinda lazy to type everything)


Thursday, May 19, 2011

Its over!

guess it over already.. 
nothing to blog about it. 
time to move on. 
 the line got cut off by itself
and yea, no more~~ T.T

probably its one way or the other .
to give in or to give up..
college is starting in a week.
 semester 4 with two subjects.
be able to do well in semester 3 actually boosts me up to do better in sem 4.
guess thats what im gonna do. 
gonna stay focus on studies and treasure what is in front of me
and give the best i could.

hopes are gone.

well. at this very moment. 
my heart just shut,broken and numb . 
there is no more pain but there were emptiness
but then again, i know it is time. 
seeing those pictures do remind me of past memories,
but after that when i see those pictures of him with someone else
instantly got me forget all of it.
 i do not think its worth of it anymore. 
i do not know what "friends" mean to him
its been days since we last talk. as in really talk. 
it felt bad, empty but then i knew, i got to keep going on.
because i know, there are some friends who has not given up on me yet
and always keep giving their support to me

To be really honest, this is the toughest relationship i have ever been
the best-est* suppose to be*
but now turn into a disappointment.
i wish to solve the problem
but i guess, we're just keep running away and yea, probably its best for us
 BEST for ME
somehow, God is also telling me to wait and soon someone will come
i do not know who is it, but i'll just have faith in Him. 
God knows what best for me.AMEN!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

wishing list~

see.. i blog again... lols..
 i want so many things . 
but there is only one thing i cant get..
well, nvm la..forget about it already.
 i want to travel around the world. 
i wanna get out of here. 
i aint running away.
i just want to explore the world.
lols... so many things i want.
i want a blackberry phone.. argh!
get me one please..
i need a data plan phone.. lols...

did i mention i  likey cookie monster? i want a real one tooo.. hehe...

cute right??? i know...


yeah... im blogging again.. 
i think i will blog till that feeling goes off. 
well, wasn't that good. 
the min i switch on my lappie , move on to fb.
there it was, one notification.
well, he tagged me in one of my picture.
and guess what, he put in a "randomly-put in album"
oh what am i?
a stranger to u?
good then. soon it will be.

moving on... i saw he uploaded an "baby <3 " album where he puts her pictures in it.
at that instant, i was thinking
"when i dated u, did u do that for me?"
no.. not once. i was a damn idiot collecting pictures of me and him.
memories are memories but i don't think its worth it anymore.
my heart was completely numb when i saw those picture.
i did not feel anything wrong or sad. 
 was it a good sign?
probably i just went through so much till i dont feel anything anymore.
the pain was terrible at first but now.... 
i dont think its there anymore.
i cant even tell whether i still love him..
 guess when the gf sees this, she would be happy.
 but its true.. i cant tell anymore. 
probably, to me now, he's just a best friend?
yea... i guess so..
i think moving on isnt a bad thing after all. 
makes u grow stronger.! 

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

being deceived again~

well.... today.... May 18th....
hmmmm .... wonder what am i suppose to do today..
 oh ya, i was suppose to go out. 
but then i wanted to see someone so much 
till i wasn't in the mood at all.
hmm... i called him in the morning thinking that he might want to go out.
well yeah, a thought is always a thought.
he said its fine with him to meet up at taman jaya.
so i offered to meet up with him and come over to my place for cc.
then, i took the bus to taman jaya.
 and guess what, he called to tell me not to take the bus. 
he asked me to go home and wait. 
so yeah, did as he said
was on the way home, he called and said not coming...
well, disappointed and sad, i just said bye. 
 that was all in my mind.

i was too naive to believe him
probably i have not been seeing him for ages till i eventually took time to go all the way to taman jaya.
i miss him but i was let down miserably.
and guess what, its raining. worst... he wont even come. 
heart torn even more. 
but i dont even know what am i feeling anymore.
im speechless and yea , too naive to trust people.
we have not been talking. probably somehow in me, i just want to see him and talk.
yea... hopes are just hopes. somehow it will be let down. =(

miss you guys!

suddenly i just feel like blogging about my friends in college *close ones*
but i do not know what to say..
so pictures says everything for me.....
some piece of artwork drawn by them

after karoake in Neway

after presentation

in Tappers for lunch

they all do mean alot to me.. am gonna miss u guys.
i love you all.... 

phuket baybeh!

Patong Street at night

Patong Beach

camwhoring in hotel toilet

me and Kalim beach after lunch
great view from Karon viewpoint

Kata Beach from Karon viewpoint

mummy and me

Kalim beach
these are some pictures from Phuket.

Monday, May 16, 2011

dont put ur hopes up!

well, its been months since i last blogged. 
lots to say but i'll cut it short. 
am having my sem break now for a month.
God knows what am i gonna do. 
well, thanks to mummy , she brought me to phuket for holiday.
i enjoyed every single moment there.
when i got there, to my horror, i cant use my phone and there was no line for me.
i thought it suck not to have the phone but turns i felt good without the phone.
there was no calls, no sms, no worries. 
although there were something that i kept thinking, but no point thinking about since it doesn't concern me.
well, when i was phuket, i just love the sea view and sea breeze. 
mum bought alot of stuffs for me...
Patong beach was the best yea. 
will upload the pics later... 
the best thing is, i got to sit on a GREEN tuktuk(which is a form of transport in phuket)
yea, thats about it...

The best-est thing is when i got down from the plane when i got back to Malaysia., switched on my phone
and there it was, ken sms saying that i passed all the subjects.
i was so happy. 
that night, mitch came to stay a night over. 

well, things doesnt really went well after that.
 i do not know what to say.
sometimes, i just feel there is no point of calling each other best friends when one just don't bother about other's feelings.
no point saying there is love, when actions prove a different thing. 
its already tuesday and we have not been really taking as in sharing like usual.
worst thing that happened, that woman confronted me. 
 i just want to keep everything to myself, but instead she asked me to share. 
so fine, i share. 
but when i told her how i really feel, things went really wrong. 
worst part, i told him and he choose not to listen to me and yea, din even bother of calling me back.
i do not know what am i feeling at the moment. 
hurt? sad??disappointed? 
i do not know..
all i know, i just feel like he doesn't need me and i should stay away. 
we're completely strangers. nothing to talk, nothing to share. 
i do not know what to say to him anymore. 
probably, its gonna be the time that God wants me to realise something. 
i do not know what is that. but i believe there is a reason for anything that happen. 
and i do believe there will be someone out there for me.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

i still need you~

i'll start blogging again just before start studying...
well, its been two weeks thAT my parents had gone for overseas. 
although i miss them alot, but there is something more to miss.
had a great day on wednesday and thursday.
spending lotsa of time together.
i couldnt let go
im gonna miss all those memories. 
the feeling is like way back before 
when i started missing it again.

i hope there is more to it. 
hoping that everything will be the same like before. 
but i guess it ain't the same anymore. 
people are always saying to let go.
i was wondering is that so easy??
i would wish to do so but then again,
 its not easy as everyone think.

been enjoying for the couple of days.
drinking and going out so often 
i just wanna be with him. 
 as in together where there is fun plus arguements.
should i continue waiting ??

lessons in life:
things will come and go away from you
its depends on how you take it.
 not everything in the world belongs to u
but you got the right to choose on what you want. =)

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

its been a fucked up day

it has been awhile since i blog. 
time to start saying things i wish to say but i cant say it because i just don't want to hurt people's feelings.
well, yesterday has been a fucked up day. 
it has been involving alot of people. 
what is past is past
 but then again, i don't know why i have to feel so fucked up.

it involves me, HIM and HER.. 
 i tried to treat her as a friend but it seem i cant due to...
 fuck but i have to say it
 i mean like WTH! why?
i do not plan to fight and let them be
 but when you have some friends who has some damn bloody mouth
 who talks and thinks you're useless
 and that's where i plan to start fighting for him.
it seems tough and yeah, i want him back.
i don't care what people want to say about me
 well, i'm doing it for myself.
 i thought its time for me to actually do something for myself 
something that i have been dreaming of and now i do want him.

But after having much thinking and hurt, i plan to give up. 
i do not know its a good choice or not, but i'm really hurt. 
nobody actually seems to understand how it feels 
 not even he knows and i did say something that is kinda overboard 
but i'm just expressing my feelings.
i do not think that it is really wrong. 
i want to have something that i want and love and i'm also proud of him.
well, after much thinking and being told off by he's gf,
 i tend to give in and give up.
i'm just here being his friend.
 thats all. no more feelings, although im just lying to myself.

i'm just being nice because i have to...
sorry if i offended you, but then again, i'm doing this for myself. 
like it or not, deal with it.
this is who i am.