its been a fucked up day

it has been awhile since i blog. 

time to start saying things i wish to say but i cant say it because i just don't want to hurt people's feelings.

well, yesterday has been a fucked up day. 

it has been involving alot of people. 

what is past is past

 but then again, i don't know why i have to feel so fucked up.

it involves me, HIM and HER.. 

 i tried to treat her as a friend but it seem i cant due to...

 fuck but i have to say it

 WE ARE LOVING THE SAME GUY!

 i mean like WTH! why?

i do not plan to fight and let them be

 but when you have some friends who has some damn bloody mouth

 who talks and thinks you're useless

 and that's where i plan to start fighting for him.
it seems tough and yeah, i want him back.

i don't care what people want to say about me

 well, i'm doing it for myself.

 i thought its time for me to actually do something for myself 

something that i have been dreaming of and now i do want him.

But after having much thinking and hurt, i plan to give up. 

i do not know its a good choice or not, but i'm really hurt. 

nobody actually seems to understand how it feels 

 not even he knows and i did say something that is kinda overboard 

but i'm just expressing my feelings.

i do not think that it is really wrong. 

i want to have something that i want and love and i'm also proud of him.

well, after much thinking and being told off by he's gf,

 i tend to give in and give up.

i'm just here being his friend.

 thats all. no more feelings, although im just lying to myself.

i'm just being nice because i have to...

sorry if i offended you, but then again, i'm doing this for myself. 

like it or not, deal with it.

this is who i am.