i still need you~

i'll start blogging again just before start studying...

well, its been two weeks thAT my parents had gone for overseas. 

although i miss them alot, but there is something more to miss.

had a great day on wednesday and thursday.

spending lotsa of time together.

i couldnt let go

im gonna miss all those memories. 

the feeling is like way back before 

when i started missing it again.

i hope there is more to it. 

hoping that everything will be the same like before. 

but i guess it ain't the same anymore. 

people are always saying to let go.

i was wondering is that so easy??

i would wish to do so but then again,

 its not easy as everyone think.

been enjoying for the couple of days.

drinking and going out so often 

i just wanna be with him. 

 as in together where there is fun plus arguements.

should i continue waiting ??

lessons in life:

things will come and go away from you

its depends on how you take it.

 not everything in the world belongs to u

but you got the right to choose on what you want. =)

its been a fucked up day

it has been awhile since i blog. 

time to start saying things i wish to say but i cant say it because i just don't want to hurt people's feelings.

well, yesterday has been a fucked up day. 

it has been involving alot of people. 

what is past is past

 but then again, i don't know why i have to feel so fucked up.

it involves me, HIM and HER.. 

 i tried to treat her as a friend but it seem i cant due to...

 fuck but i have to say it

 WE ARE LOVING THE SAME GUY!

 i mean like WTH! why?

i do not plan to fight and let them be

 but when you have some friends who has some damn bloody mouth

 who talks and thinks you're useless

 and that's where i plan to start fighting for him.
it seems tough and yeah, i want him back.

i don't care what people want to say about me

 well, i'm doing it for myself.

 i thought its time for me to actually do something for myself 

something that i have been dreaming of and now i do want him.

But after having much thinking and hurt, i plan to give up. 

i do not know its a good choice or not, but i'm really hurt. 

nobody actually seems to understand how it feels 

 not even he knows and i did say something that is kinda overboard 

but i'm just expressing my feelings.

i do not think that it is really wrong. 

i want to have something that i want and love and i'm also proud of him.

well, after much thinking and being told off by he's gf,

 i tend to give in and give up.

i'm just here being his friend.

 thats all. no more feelings, although im just lying to myself.

i'm just being nice because i have to...

sorry if i offended you, but then again, i'm doing this for myself. 

like it or not, deal with it.

this is who i am. 

Fucked UP DAy!

this happen yesterday.

 was a fucked up day. 

i skipped class on tuesday and wednesday

and i thought by staying at home can make me study but not at all..

 bed and lappie is my temptation..

but so what? but then again, i need to study and finals are coming.

The worst thing happen yesterday

was someone fucking fucked up bitch 

 is actually telling me who to spend time with.

i was like WHAT THE FUCK WEYH???!!!!

who the fuck are you to tell me what to do?

 think first before you talk or even send me any message.

 you want HIM, thats your business. 

even if he leaves you, that's too bad for you for being so fucked up.

you spoiled everyone mood . 

thats YOU!

Even i want him back, you still cant say anything. 

 YES you are HIS GIRLFRIEND, so WHAT??

 so just because you are his, you can tell me off! 

NO WAY! i am who i am

 DEAL WITH IT! 

 too bad for you.!

Insecure~

time to write again! 

well, i have this funny feeling around. 

i do not know it's about me or not

 or probably i should think that not everything is about me

things i see or even hear could actually relate to me

so how am i not to think about it? 

there is another thing...

should friends will always be only two?

I personally do not understand the concept of friendship anymore

i do not know why i said so, but it seems i really don't

i just want to share my happiness with you all. 

but instead i got another kind of a response. 

why? why??

i don't mean to show off to anyone

i just want you all to be happy for me

does this mean i should just keep quiet and not tell anything around?

if that is so, then i'll do it.

 if that makes you all feel better.

i don't mean to offend anybody

yes, i kept saying that my parents don't love me 

but i mean that they kept on scolding me for these and that reasons

making me stressed up and comparing to other parents

i don't mean that they hate me

please think about that . 

well, although my parents can afford expensive things,

that doesnt mean they are rich or even i'm rich.  

i want to be the same level as everyone

that is what we call as God's children.

i treat everyone as my friend

college mates are my besties

whether they treat me right or not, i do not know

you don't have to know

if you don't like anything about me then just tell me off..

 don't make me keep wondering around

i don't need you to tell me what to do or to keep my mouth shut.

 i know where i stand.

 just stay out. 

I am who I am.

ITS TIme

well, its been awhile since i actually blog, considering there is nothing to write about. 

well yea. time passes very quickly and exams are coming already. 

i do not know where to start studying as my mood are getting worst day by day. 

after yesterday and i found out that i was barred from english exam.

i cant seem to concentrate in anything. mood swing like no one knows me at all.

i wanted help from an asshole and i know its an asshole and why should i ask him for help. 

well that's because i'm closer to him and his command in english is good.??'

but WTF! he kept giving excuses that "no money and all fucking excuse"

i was like WTF man! i have helped you in so many ways possible and you can't even help back in return?

serious FUCK!

well, writing the letter was easy but to know what to write in it, it's difficult.

tomorrow it's the interview... i have been thinking to myself "what if i don't get approve?' "will i fail?"

gosh.. FML!

but i'm lucky to have someone who actually listens to my problem and spent her time break with me.. thanks SHANA! you're a good friend to me. I DO LOVE YOU!<3

well, i do hope that things will go well again and i wanted sem 3 to end fast. 

 I do not know why but i just felt i want to. 

i wish to disappear from here ASAP!

but GOd wont let me. 

i hope to erase my memory and live a new life again.

but i miss my friends. especially my college friends. 

they have been such a good friend to me since sem 1 although things do went wrong between us soemtimes. but i still love them no matter how. 

sometimes i do feel that friendship is even stronger than a relationship. 

but there are times, i do feel left out 

either from my friends or even HIM

probably im just not up to their standards???

cause i do not have enough knowledge to pair up with them?? 

 i seriously do not know. 

but I am really happy with them

THEM means my best 3 buddies in college.

but yea... i wish we wont forget each other when we are in separate places.. 

I LOVE ALL MY FRIENDS!

well, thats about it... 

-lifeless clabear-