Years~

well, where to start? 

ermmm.. basically, i kinda got what i want .... 

i got a car, dslr , and im still isnt that happy as i still dont have what i really wanted

this is life, i guess... not everything we want , we can have it.

 

well, I got a GREEN viva..

which is my fav colour.

God's intervention.

wanna know why?

we saw many big cars but we do not want a big car.

called back melaka and asked but no small.

soon later, mum managed to call Topmark which is a car company and they told her they have a viva.
then later, dad drive us to checked  out the car. 

it was damn nice as it is GREEN... yay!

discuss about it and we send to a mechanic to check the condition. 

thank God , it was a good car and there goes, mum bought it.

so happy. it was likeee.... Heaven.

 

i managed to take my parents out for dinner.

and guess what, he was the first to see the car besides my parents. 

happy as always ... =)

i took him  out, almost everywhere we can go. <3

i let him drive and i knew somehow he is happy.

that is what i long to see.

well, we celebrated his birthday at picadilily.. 

everyone is happy and yeah, drank alot.

me happy too.... got to play pool with his friends  and of course him as well... 

well, am really happy that i got to spend most of the time with him around me.

grateful for that. well, sadest thing, he is going back to aussie.

i dont like it, but no choice to face it.

college starts and yeah., maths and M&M

Mr,Chuah has never changed and his english is still as bad as it is. 

but kinda happy that i got some company. hehe =)

college is always as usual. 

but spending time with him is never enough. why ah?

hmm... its just like that la.. 

happy enough that we're still friends. 

at least something. but time will soon change and everyone got to move towards their goals. 

(basically this is simplified, kinda lazy to type everything)

 

Its over!

guess it over already.. 

nothing to blog about it. 

time to move on. 

 the line got cut off by itself

and yea, no more~~ T.T

probably its one way or the other .

to give in or to give up..

college is starting in a week.

 semester 4 with two subjects.

be able to do well in semester 3 actually boosts me up to do better in sem 4.

guess thats what im gonna do. 

gonna stay focus on studies and treasure what is in front of me

and give the best i could.

yeah!

hopes are gone.

well. at this very moment. 

my heart just shut,broken and numb . 

there is no more pain but there were emptiness

but then again, i know it is time. 

seeing those pictures do remind me of past memories,

but after that when i see those pictures of him with someone else

instantly got me forget all of it.

 i do not think its worth of it anymore. 

i do not know what "friends" mean to him

its been days since we last talk. as in really talk. 

it felt bad, empty but then i knew, i got to keep going on.

because i know, there are some friends who has not given up on me yet

and always keep giving their support to me

To be really honest, this is the toughest relationship i have ever been

the best-est* suppose to be*

but now turn into a disappointment.

i wish to solve the problem

but i guess, we're just keep running away and yea, probably its best for us

 BEST for ME

somehow, God is also telling me to wait and soon someone will come

i do not know who is it, but i'll just have faith in Him. 

God knows what best for me.AMEN!

wishing list~

see.. i blog again... lols..

 i want so many things . 

but there is only one thing i cant get..

well, nvm la..forget about it already.

 i want to travel around the world. 

i wanna get out of here. 

i aint running away.

i just want to explore the world.

lols... so many things i want.

i want a blackberry phone.. argh!

get me one please..

i need a data plan phone.. lols...

did i mention i  likey cookie monster? i want a real one tooo.. hehe...

cute right??? i know...

numbness~

yeah... im blogging again.. 

i think i will blog till that feeling goes off. 

well, wasn't that good. 

the min i switch on my lappie , move on to fb.

there it was, one notification.

well, he tagged me in one of my picture.

and guess what, he put in a "randomly-put in album"

oh what am i?

a stranger to u?

good then. soon it will be.

moving on... i saw he uploaded an "baby <3 " album where he puts her pictures in it.

at that instant, i was thinking

"when i dated u, did u do that for me?"

no.. not once. i was a damn idiot collecting pictures of me and him.

memories are memories but i don't think its worth it anymore.

my heart was completely numb when i saw those picture.

i did not feel anything wrong or sad. 

 was it a good sign?

probably i just went through so much till i dont feel anything anymore.

the pain was terrible at first but now.... 

i dont think its there anymore.

i cant even tell whether i still love him..

 guess when the gf sees this, she would be happy.

 but its true.. i cant tell anymore. 

probably, to me now, he's just a best friend?

yea... i guess so..

i think moving on isnt a bad thing after all. 

makes u grow stronger.! 

being deceived again~

well.... today.... May 18th....

hmmmm .... wonder what am i suppose to do today..

 oh ya, i was suppose to go out. 

but then i wanted to see someone so much 

till i wasn't in the mood at all.

hmm... i called him in the morning thinking that he might want to go out.

well yeah, a thought is always a thought.

he said its fine with him to meet up at taman jaya.

so i offered to meet up with him and come over to my place for cc.

then, i took the bus to taman jaya.

 and guess what, he called to tell me not to take the bus. 

he asked me to go home and wait. 

so yeah, did as he said

was on the way home, he called and said not coming...

well, disappointed and sad, i just said bye. 

 that was all in my mind.

i was too naive to believe him

probably i have not been seeing him for ages till i eventually took time to go all the way to taman jaya.

i miss him but i was let down miserably.

and guess what, its raining. worst... he wont even come. 

heart torn even more. 

but i dont even know what am i feeling anymore.

im speechless and yea , too naive to trust people.

we have not been talking. probably somehow in me, i just want to see him and talk.

yea... hopes are just hopes. somehow it will be let down. =(

miss you guys!

suddenly i just feel like blogging about my friends in college *close ones*

but i do not know what to say..

so pictures says everything for me.....

some piece of artwork drawn by them

after karoake in Neway

after presentation

in Tappers for lunch


they all do mean alot to me.. am gonna miss u guys.
i love you all.... 

phuket baybeh!

Patong Street at night

Patong Beach

camwhoring in hotel toilet

me and Kalim beach after lunch

great view from Karon viewpoint

Kata Beach from Karon viewpoint

mummy and me

Kalim beach

these are some pictures from Phuket.

dont put ur hopes up!

well, its been months since i last blogged. 

lots to say but i'll cut it short. 

am having my sem break now for a month.

God knows what am i gonna do. 

well, thanks to mummy , she brought me to phuket for holiday.

i enjoyed every single moment there.

when i got there, to my horror, i cant use my phone and there was no line for me.

i thought it suck not to have the phone but turns i felt good without the phone.

there was no calls, no sms, no worries. 

although there were something that i kept thinking, but no point thinking about since it doesn't concern me.

well, when i was phuket, i just love the sea view and sea breeze. 

mum bought alot of stuffs for me...

Patong beach was the best yea. 

will upload the pics later... 

the best thing is, i got to sit on a GREEN tuktuk(which is a form of transport in phuket)

yea, thats about it...

The best-est thing is when i got down from the plane when i got back to Malaysia., switched on my phone

and there it was, ken sms saying that i passed all the subjects.

i was so happy. 

that night, mitch came to stay a night over. 

well, things doesnt really went well after that.

 i do not know what to say.

sometimes, i just feel there is no point of calling each other best friends when one just don't bother about other's feelings.

no point saying there is love, when actions prove a different thing. 

its already tuesday and we have not been really taking as in sharing like usual.

worst thing that happened, that woman confronted me. 

 i just want to keep everything to myself, but instead she asked me to share. 

so fine, i share. 

but when i told her how i really feel, things went really wrong. 

worst part, i told him and he choose not to listen to me and yea, din even bother of calling me back.

i do not know what am i feeling at the moment. 

hurt? sad??disappointed? 

i do not know..

all i know, i just feel like he doesn't need me and i should stay away. 

we're completely strangers. nothing to talk, nothing to share. 

i do not know what to say to him anymore. 

probably, its gonna be the time that God wants me to realise something. 

i do not know what is that. but i believe there is a reason for anything that happen. 

and i do believe there will be someone out there for me.

i still need you~

i'll start blogging again just before start studying...

well, its been two weeks thAT my parents had gone for overseas. 

although i miss them alot, but there is something more to miss.

had a great day on wednesday and thursday.

spending lotsa of time together.

i couldnt let go

im gonna miss all those memories. 

the feeling is like way back before 

when i started missing it again.

i hope there is more to it. 

hoping that everything will be the same like before. 

but i guess it ain't the same anymore. 

people are always saying to let go.

i was wondering is that so easy??

i would wish to do so but then again,

 its not easy as everyone think.

been enjoying for the couple of days.

drinking and going out so often 

i just wanna be with him. 

 as in together where there is fun plus arguements.

should i continue waiting ??

lessons in life:

things will come and go away from you

its depends on how you take it.

 not everything in the world belongs to u

but you got the right to choose on what you want. =)

its been a fucked up day

it has been awhile since i blog. 

time to start saying things i wish to say but i cant say it because i just don't want to hurt people's feelings.

well, yesterday has been a fucked up day. 

it has been involving alot of people. 

what is past is past

 but then again, i don't know why i have to feel so fucked up.

it involves me, HIM and HER.. 

 i tried to treat her as a friend but it seem i cant due to...

 fuck but i have to say it

 WE ARE LOVING THE SAME GUY!

 i mean like WTH! why?

i do not plan to fight and let them be

 but when you have some friends who has some damn bloody mouth

 who talks and thinks you're useless

 and that's where i plan to start fighting for him.
it seems tough and yeah, i want him back.

i don't care what people want to say about me

 well, i'm doing it for myself.

 i thought its time for me to actually do something for myself 

something that i have been dreaming of and now i do want him.

But after having much thinking and hurt, i plan to give up. 

i do not know its a good choice or not, but i'm really hurt. 

nobody actually seems to understand how it feels 

 not even he knows and i did say something that is kinda overboard 

but i'm just expressing my feelings.

i do not think that it is really wrong. 

i want to have something that i want and love and i'm also proud of him.

well, after much thinking and being told off by he's gf,

 i tend to give in and give up.

i'm just here being his friend.

 thats all. no more feelings, although im just lying to myself.

i'm just being nice because i have to...

sorry if i offended you, but then again, i'm doing this for myself. 

like it or not, deal with it.

this is who i am. 

Fucked UP DAy!

this happen yesterday.

 was a fucked up day. 

i skipped class on tuesday and wednesday

and i thought by staying at home can make me study but not at all..

 bed and lappie is my temptation..

but so what? but then again, i need to study and finals are coming.

The worst thing happen yesterday

was someone fucking fucked up bitch 

 is actually telling me who to spend time with.

i was like WHAT THE FUCK WEYH???!!!!

who the fuck are you to tell me what to do?

 think first before you talk or even send me any message.

 you want HIM, thats your business. 

even if he leaves you, that's too bad for you for being so fucked up.

you spoiled everyone mood . 

thats YOU!

Even i want him back, you still cant say anything. 

 YES you are HIS GIRLFRIEND, so WHAT??

 so just because you are his, you can tell me off! 

NO WAY! i am who i am

 DEAL WITH IT! 

 too bad for you.!

Insecure~

time to write again! 

well, i have this funny feeling around. 

i do not know it's about me or not

 or probably i should think that not everything is about me

things i see or even hear could actually relate to me

so how am i not to think about it? 

there is another thing...

should friends will always be only two?

I personally do not understand the concept of friendship anymore

i do not know why i said so, but it seems i really don't

i just want to share my happiness with you all. 

but instead i got another kind of a response. 

why? why??

i don't mean to show off to anyone

i just want you all to be happy for me

does this mean i should just keep quiet and not tell anything around?

if that is so, then i'll do it.

 if that makes you all feel better.

i don't mean to offend anybody

yes, i kept saying that my parents don't love me 

but i mean that they kept on scolding me for these and that reasons

making me stressed up and comparing to other parents

i don't mean that they hate me

please think about that . 

well, although my parents can afford expensive things,

that doesnt mean they are rich or even i'm rich.  

i want to be the same level as everyone

that is what we call as God's children.

i treat everyone as my friend

college mates are my besties

whether they treat me right or not, i do not know

you don't have to know

if you don't like anything about me then just tell me off..

 don't make me keep wondering around

i don't need you to tell me what to do or to keep my mouth shut.

 i know where i stand.

 just stay out. 

I am who I am.

ITS TIme

well, its been awhile since i actually blog, considering there is nothing to write about. 

well yea. time passes very quickly and exams are coming already. 

i do not know where to start studying as my mood are getting worst day by day. 

after yesterday and i found out that i was barred from english exam.

i cant seem to concentrate in anything. mood swing like no one knows me at all.

i wanted help from an asshole and i know its an asshole and why should i ask him for help. 

well that's because i'm closer to him and his command in english is good.??'

but WTF! he kept giving excuses that "no money and all fucking excuse"

i was like WTF man! i have helped you in so many ways possible and you can't even help back in return?

serious FUCK!

well, writing the letter was easy but to know what to write in it, it's difficult.

tomorrow it's the interview... i have been thinking to myself "what if i don't get approve?' "will i fail?"

gosh.. FML!

but i'm lucky to have someone who actually listens to my problem and spent her time break with me.. thanks SHANA! you're a good friend to me. I DO LOVE YOU!<3

well, i do hope that things will go well again and i wanted sem 3 to end fast. 

 I do not know why but i just felt i want to. 

i wish to disappear from here ASAP!

but GOd wont let me. 

i hope to erase my memory and live a new life again.

but i miss my friends. especially my college friends. 

they have been such a good friend to me since sem 1 although things do went wrong between us soemtimes. but i still love them no matter how. 

sometimes i do feel that friendship is even stronger than a relationship. 

but there are times, i do feel left out 

either from my friends or even HIM

probably im just not up to their standards???

cause i do not have enough knowledge to pair up with them?? 

 i seriously do not know. 

but I am really happy with them

THEM means my best 3 buddies in college.

but yea... i wish we wont forget each other when we are in separate places.. 

I LOVE ALL MY FRIENDS!

well, thats about it... 

-lifeless clabear-

i love the words... but everyone do need love and a life companion . All this will come when they found their true love..

A liar!

as you can see this. you're just someone who comes to me when you need help. thats you. when i needed help from you, i don't just a good response at all. if you call urself a friend, well yeah. that's good. Probably to someone else.


another thing is you. yes you! you know who you r. you neglected me for days and why... F***ing "assignments"??? hell yeah. i had assignments and i dont neglect people. well, let just say that i'm not important to you and you have someone else to talk to. i'm just a substitute. Is that true? i'm tired of all this bullshits. what's the point of saying sorry and saying that you know how i feel when you're doing it again? you claim to be my "best" friend... what's best. you're my **. you should know me best and see what is happening now.. you're just leaving me aside when you have something. I'm hurt by what you have done. i'm also a human. i do have feelings . what's worse, i have feelings for you. and you kept on doing something that hurts. i don't complain because i know that's you. that's who you are. and i have accepted you. but when i need you, means i really do. i don't know what to say anymore. i know you don't read blogs. so just leave it. just don't blame me if some day i just walk off from you.  I don't know how long i can stand all this stress and bullshits.


i was planning to take you out or even fetch you when my parents is not around. i just hope you know how i feel and everything is real. i still love you but I'm not for you to hurt.

Shooting!

Good morning. well, i had an awesome day last night. had a long day shooting in kim's hse. its for our computing technology assignments. well, its done, we had lotsa of funny scenes where by mistakes were made but after all we had fun! thats what assignements is suppose to be. tasha was awesome being the main lead. and thank you kim for offering the hse and driving me home. and credits to ken for the hard work of editing the movie. haha. 

 Had dinner in Asia cafe in ss15. awesome time we had. wish for more of this to come. 

 

Well, thats about the shooting. but at the same time the longing for someone to actually sms and care about me. what the hell is he doing? no point of saying sorry when you just do what you said. All i need and want from you is to care. thats all. I'm not asking for more. people dont do assignments till neglect someone. i don't do that.  i just hoping for someone to talk to especially you. okay? 

 

signing off. 

A very day!

well, it all starts in the morning.woke up.brush my teeth.
got ready and yeah! in tasha's car . on the way to kim's hse.